Man Of My Future,
I love you,
perpetually
Love,
Woman Of Your Future
Recuerdos de Mi Corazon y Alma
she's stubborn
she's drifting, yet
she's smiling
she's dreaming
she's wandering
she's writing
she's pam
behind every poem
behind every prose
lies a memory of
her heart and soul
Copyright © 2011
Back are the nights when thoughts are waging war in my head - sleepless.
It’s you again - still.
Creeping inside my system like a venom filthily killing me. Am I really capable of loving endlessly? Or am I just feeling lonely and you were there. My patience is shrinking on my skin.
Dear Lord… I plea.
“I need a friend” - A text that I got from you and somehow I felt your sincerity so I decided to see you. I dressed myself with confidence and beauty. I memorized my script of past lamentation of me to you. But when I saw you, I kept my script and just listened. I need not my script anymore, God did me a favor on telling him. He’s sitting there broken and lifeless, he was cheated. It’s true, love can never break-even but unfortunately life does. The world is round indeed.
All I have is a wish and a prayer to get me through the night. A kiss of hope on the thin air I breathe, a piece of silk on my tired cold feet.
There are days when thoughts are rushing into my head. I would get a pen and will try to write them, thinking it will lessen the thoughts and hoping that it would make a space of clear in my head. I’ll start by writing your name and then I could write no more.
Now my head is all clear.
Tell me with the way you touch my vulnerability, the way you kiss my stupidity,the way you hug my fragility. Darling, tell me it’s not love.
It’s the New Year. You asked me what my resolution is. I can’t even utter it, so I said “I haven’t done mine”, looking at him smiling while my inside is excruciating. I had my resolution and that is not to see him anymore. I thought he was gone, I lamented on the truth that I cannot have him, he himself in some way needless to state that truth. But he called and I can’t fight the urge to see him. “Do you love me?” a question that I have in mind every time I hug him from behind. I love hugging him that way, I don’t want to let go and I would wish for that moment not to end. “Did you miss me?” he always asks this and I’ll hug him and say “I won’t be here if I didn’t” and today he asked why. Same like always I would not answer. I miss him because he is the man who has the power to make me feel beautiful when I’m feeling not myself. I cannot say that it wasn’t the sex, it’s the feeling of calm after that and on those arms of his I feel safe. He can make me go back to my feet and continue to dream. We had a good talk today. We talked about each others dreams, the places we would want to go. You were writing it and you asked me to write mine as well, I don’t know why but that felt splendid when you asked to write mine too, it was like you were asking me to dream with you. You told me you can tell me things that you can’t tell to others, I was delighted to know that but it made me confused as well. Do you see me as a friend you can turn to? Or a partner you can share secrets and let loose? These are the questions waging in my head when you told me that. You had to go but you stayed for few more hours with me, you wanted more of me and I feel special. You joke about you wanting to get away with me, you asked if I would go, I said yes looking like I’m getting along with your joke but I know in my heart I wasn’t joking. It’s the New Year and I’m wishing to the stars and the moon that this year I could spend it with him, just him and I, just him and I.
Life separated us, all of us. I miss those times when we spent most of our time here in this little kingdom we’ve built with thousand of words with love and passion. I miss the bond, we were a family and this was our home. But it was still a wonderful journey that will never elude my memory. As I read my old posts, perchance to sleep, I wish that when I wake up, perchance, you would see this then I shall hear from you, perchance, some love.
May be I’ve never stopped, may be I just tried too hard to forget. And may be I still do… after all.
You were the disease that the oracle warned me about. The cancer that was healed but unfortunately aggressive and returned. I want a cure, undergo chemo and treatment. But we both know there’s no cure to a love ain’t pure. So die I must or kill that lust.
I’m done being your second best. I love you and no matter how much I do, I’m leaving you because I love myself too. Best christmas gift to myself. Merry Christmas everyone!
Much love,
Pam
It’s hard not look and compare, but do not. God has a unique plan for you.
its been a year when you left
memories are still kept
somehow wishing to forget
and trying not to regret
found forgiveness within
been strong through thin
unanswered questions of mine
patiently waiting from divine
how it feels is now vague
but the scars wont fade
though i have crossed the bridge
in my heart, still a little pinch
imagine the day without the sun,
the night without the moon
like a swan who sans love,
kill thy air til i swoon.
-
Excluding global warming, nuclear programs of the isolated superpowers, public rape and ethnic cleansing still happening in Sudan that UN has no power over, and the...
-
The pitter-patter of the rain
on the tin roof was a lively melody
but what I’ve forgotten,
listening only to the song water
droplets would sing to me,
is when the... -
Alex had a collaboration with some schoolmates for their computer project, told me to watch this, for future reference and so I get the whole picture of what he wants...
